Motivation.

Oh, hello there.

Didn't forget about me did you? I've come out of my cave to share a few things. Just some thoughts that have been kicking around the ol' mental note pad. I've been extremely busy with school for the last few weeks, but I guess that's no excuse for not writing in, what, like 3 months?! That's ridiculous. I know. I've realized why I haven't been writing though, and why I was able to write for my old blog, years ago. Back then I had an audience. Audience = motivation. A reason to write, other than to just to post some "Dear diary's" to myself when I'm bored. I didn't have an audience here because no one knew about this. So I think it's time to roll it out from the shadows. Hi, everyone.

Things at school are heating up, and it's getting harder and harder to keep up. I wish I knew someone who took the course last year so I could ask them just how they did it. I mean, we start a new section every week and just when I feel like I'm beginning to fully understand the material... Bam! We write the test on Monday and move on to something entirely new. If you don't devour your textbook every week, you're toast. There's no time to say, "I'll get the hang of this eventually". You figure it out now or you forget about it until it comes back to smack you in the face when you write your final exam, and you fail. $12 000 down the drain. That's some motivation right there! That being said, though, I've been doing alright. A teeny-tiny bit lower than where I'd like my grades to be but I'm happy, and I usually feel pretty confident going into the tests. Right now I'm studying Pharmacology for the test on Monday. Unfortunately I missed the review day on Friday so I need to focus extra hard on figuring this stuff out on my own. *Gulp*.

Lab scenarios are more or less the same story. It's much harder to prepare at home though. I had a really bad day about a month ago that served as one of those oh-so-dreaded reality checks. I bombed my trauma scenario. I just froze and forgot everything in front of my group and my instructor. It started when I realized that I had forgotten to put on the Oxygen. The more I worried and tried to remember what I thought I was forgetting, the more I forgot. It was one of the most embarrassing days of my life, and one that I won't soon forget. I promised myself that it would never happen again. So I've been studying and practicing scenarios and for the last few weeks I've been nailing them. Well, I mean they aren't perfect. But for where we are now I think they're pretty good, and I've cut my trauma scenario time in half. Yay.

Motivation is a great thing. I don't mean to sound like a broken record here and drill that word into your head, but lately I just haven't been able to ignore the impact it's been having on my life. I suppose it's what causes the motivation that's really important. It's interesting to dig down to find the real reasons we do the things we do. It's never quite as simple as it seems. Think about it. But that's definitely a different story for another time. Right now I focus on passing my tests, not humiliating myself in my labs, and, of course, trying to keep the readers happy.

How did I do?

-AM